life is not about “me” all the time

big confession: i can be a big self-centred twat sometimes. (i said sometimes).

i am the biggest twat especially when i am not feeling well, not in a good mood, or simply feeling bored.

i may come across as “easygoing” and quite forgiving, but depending on how close one is to me, i have been branded by my closest (ie. family) as quite “demanding, explosive and hard taskmaster”…to which i own up to.

obviously those three “harsh adjectives said to me were said by my closest and dearest in different instances either: in shouting, joking, half-laughing or crying yet all wellmeaning and im sure, was all meant from the heart (should i be worried?).

but point taken.

on a recent chat to my bestfriend karla, who has given me a rundown on whats latest with our “business” backhome (all monkies,mind you), i sincerely asked for an intervention. (well, i do this alot when im on the verge of a breakdown–of anger and frustration). karla brought me back to reality, sometimes, i can react in a very weird manner to some things, which is misconstrued by alot of people, and if people dont know me that much, theyd think i have been possessed by some maniacal spirit. (although she said, thats my only flaw from all the perks being my bestfriend,haha, namawi..and continued to enumerate my less evil traits which to her were being generous, thoughtful, understanding, an ear, a loyal ally and always happy for someone’s good fortune).

it may come out as harsh words between acquaintances, to be able to be as upfront and brutally frank like that, but being my bestfriend, she knows me back to front, inside and out–which gives her every right to do so.

im digressing, so back to my point. so yes, karla was right. if im expecting a phone call, just prepare for the possibility that it wont arrive. if im expecting a thank you or hug, half expect that the good deed may have gone unnoticed, and if i expect the care i wanted from the dearest ones, half expect the opposite and put it down to a missed opportunity, gone with the wind.

i now come to the conclusion that when i feel i am not given the attention i need, the acknowledgement i wanted, the loving i so craved, no matter how appropriate, how needed and how deservedly earned, i will just have to accept, it may not come. and if i feel bad about it not being there, i should’nt feel so because sometimes, its just not about me.

sometimes, some people have their own issues and things to sort out for themselves, blocking all decency to be correct.

brush past the experience and shrug it off.

*hugging self*

 

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