dreams

 

i had another dream of papa last night.

another, because i dreamt about him a few days before my birthday. in the dream, i saw him across a road (i dont even recognize the road), and he smiled and motioned for me to meet up with him halfway. i did and he took my hand. all of a sudden i was a little girl. i said “hi pa, naa lagi ka”. he said, “niagi ko kay i-treat tika kay birthday nimo”. i held his hand knowing i was in a dream and i held too tight. the next thing i saw we were walking to cross the road, and after a car flashed by, i couldnt see him after that.

the feel of his hand felt too real. i cried when i woke up.

last night’s dream was weird. my mama and i were in a hotel and we were talking about the coming “halloween” (not that we celebrate halloween at all). we talked how scary the feel of some hotels esp that it was halloween. i went to the toilet and i ran out to my mom and reported that i felt “a presence” of “something”. i urged her to go to the toilet and feel it for herself. my auntie inday was around that time too.

then out of the blue, the intercom (i dont know why there was an intercom), said “chelo, chelo” it was Papa’s voice. i said “Pa? is that you?”. the intercom voice said “siguraduha nga naa sa imong pangalan ang yuta” and he repeated it 3x as the intercom was very hazy. my Mama was also shocked. the intercom went on to say “pangayo ug tabang sa imong mga tiya”. he said that in a stern voice. i said “yes” to his request even if i wouldnt want to do what he said. and before i he said goodbye “muagi ko nimo karong biyernes para ibilin ang wallet”. i didn’t know what he meant by that, but i said yes to it, as i wanted to see him badly.

i woke up and wept.

i wish, halloween really has the powers of waking up dead love ones and have them knocking on the door.

on second thought, errr, no. its too scary saying it that way.

i wish, im dreaming of Papa again tonight. i miss him so badly.

when new hair happens to unsuspecting people

on tuesday evening, i had my hair cut (after forgetting my appointment on saturday).

so what do i think looking at myself after the cut?

murag nanimaws gyud ang hairstylist sa akong missed appointment. (it looks as if the hairstylist got her revenge on me).

there i was apologetic, and feeling embarassed for forgetting about the appointment. i was quite surprised she was very forgiving considering, it wasnt the first time i did it. (last year, i forgot about another appointment too, *slap forehead*). my excuse of not feeling well on saturday fell between uncomfortable and seemed like a bad lie considering it was the plain truth.

she didnt even have to ask me what i wanted when i sat on the swivel chair. she knew, having been my hairstylist for over two years, i have the same haircut over and over. i am anyway, a creature of habit. hairstyle is one of them. i stick with what works, and what im comfortable.

but she was scissor happy. and took more layers than she should. i was distracted with the free handmassage given to me simutaneously with the haircut.

the next thing i know, i was paying forty five pounds (tips and all) worth of 80’s jon bon jovi layers.  

 

* * *

at work today (i dont work tuesdays and wednesdays–my university days), my colleagues remarked that they like my hairstyle. if they knew, it was an hour’s worth of hair products , hairtstyling and blowdrying, they might have said something else. an hour’s worth of waking up earlier than normal.

everybody now, “im gonna lay you down in a bed of roses..”!!!

life is not about “me” all the time

big confession: i can be a big self-centred twat sometimes. (i said sometimes).

i am the biggest twat especially when i am not feeling well, not in a good mood, or simply feeling bored.

i may come across as “easygoing” and quite forgiving, but depending on how close one is to me, i have been branded by my closest (ie. family) as quite “demanding, explosive and hard taskmaster”…to which i own up to.

obviously those three “harsh adjectives said to me were said by my closest and dearest in different instances either: in shouting, joking, half-laughing or crying yet all wellmeaning and im sure, was all meant from the heart (should i be worried?).

but point taken.

on a recent chat to my bestfriend karla, who has given me a rundown on whats latest with our “business” backhome (all monkies,mind you), i sincerely asked for an intervention. (well, i do this alot when im on the verge of a breakdown–of anger and frustration). karla brought me back to reality, sometimes, i can react in a very weird manner to some things, which is misconstrued by alot of people, and if people dont know me that much, theyd think i have been possessed by some maniacal spirit. (although she said, thats my only flaw from all the perks being my bestfriend,haha, namawi..and continued to enumerate my less evil traits which to her were being generous, thoughtful, understanding, an ear, a loyal ally and always happy for someone’s good fortune).

it may come out as harsh words between acquaintances, to be able to be as upfront and brutally frank like that, but being my bestfriend, she knows me back to front, inside and out–which gives her every right to do so.

im digressing, so back to my point. so yes, karla was right. if im expecting a phone call, just prepare for the possibility that it wont arrive. if im expecting a thank you or hug, half expect that the good deed may have gone unnoticed, and if i expect the care i wanted from the dearest ones, half expect the opposite and put it down to a missed opportunity, gone with the wind.

i now come to the conclusion that when i feel i am not given the attention i need, the acknowledgement i wanted, the loving i so craved, no matter how appropriate, how needed and how deservedly earned, i will just have to accept, it may not come. and if i feel bad about it not being there, i should’nt feel so because sometimes, its just not about me.

sometimes, some people have their own issues and things to sort out for themselves, blocking all decency to be correct.

brush past the experience and shrug it off.

*hugging self*

 

* * *

how to cure fever and coughs

1) sleep..lots and lots of it

2) cuddly pillows and fresh sheets

3) loads of liquid (for drinking,of course)

and

4) food…

( breads: white french loaf and olive loaf;

different cheeses: cathedral cheddar, camembert cheese, brie cheese,

parma ham and succulent tomatoes)

 

and oh, gazillion hugs and TLc from your love one.

…medicine the old school way. the sensible way.

ooops! i did it again

(these owls are wiser than i am)

i received a phonecall in the middle of my afternoon nap. unusually, it was on my mobile which i normally dont answer on weekends.

“this is she”, i lazily said when the caller looked for “ragen”. it turned out, it was the hairdresser telling me i missed my 2 pm appointment.

i apologized profusely. it was my second time to forget a hair appointment. not this same one, but last year, i also forgot about it, during a lazy weekend.

everytime my mind is conditioned to a relaxing weekend, i almost always forget something. this time its my hair appointment.

good thing, “anthony” the owner of the hair salon was very accommodating and forgiving, that he let me resched my appointment for tuesday.

“duh! *loon face*”

saturdays are blessings

-the newly washed sheets are warm from your body heat and the duvet smells of fabric conditioner and your scent.

-the coffee brewing downstairs and the smell of the newly bought french bread on the table

-the sound of classic fm playing softly in the background

-the smell of bacon wafting from the grill, and the orange juice freshly squeezed from its skin.

but wait, where’s the cheese?

i love lazy saturday mornings.

my heart sings

–with happiness and “thank you’s”..

 

-Ayen and family gave me a wonderful present over the mail…it was a Nicholas Sparks book and two postcards that reek of the Baldoman’s weekend in San Francisco. I was elated,to say the least.

Ayen is the type that surprises you because she hardly passes a word in between months, then you suddenly get a wonderful thought over the mail. Her generosity humbles me.

 

-I have my own dried fish mafia. Yes i do, and its headed by nonetheless, the person who i run to, day and night when i need help and comfort. She does give me my comfort food too.

Kharla sent me a box of my favourite “buwad”/dried fish–and they’re the cheaper kind, not the “danggit” version.

I am dancing for joy…while my husband is having nervous attacks everytime i cook them as he feels asphyxiated by the smell (i always warn him in adance, and i only cook it on weekends when he’s in the garden or away).

 

* * *

Also, to add to my happiness, im quite busy.

With these….

(storyboard presentation in class, hehe)

             –yet to be mailed to my lovelies–

 

* * *

i wish all my love ones’ hearts are singing beautiful tunes right now.

happiness

 

 ( im posting a happy picture here, or definitely an afternoon of happiness

                                         when i took this picture)

-for my sister Ana that she will be doing things that she enjoys doing. im so happy that she found herself and i’m so proud of her . i know she’ll do great in the path that she’s chosen.

-for Leah, as she finally decided to fly and work in Dubai. She had an opportunity  a long time ago but she wanted to try flexing her muscles in the world of academe in Cebu but felt too constricted where she was. Now, she will have a smorgasbord of work waiting for her in Dubai. Sadly, she wont be in Cebu when i go home.

-for Cheche, that she is finally in the arms of the one she loves. Her small family is complete again.

 

thats it for now.

St. Andrews Church

Ades and i went for a visit to St. Andrews church in Shoeburyness. It was an attempt to get a feel of the place before P and B’s wedding in december. Moreover, it was a productive break from my essay writing (university work).

The church was a good 30 minutes drive from where we live, yet the drive there was amazing. we passed by the beach and some countryside, and yet again i was mesmerized.

There was an eerie feel to the church as it was a grey and cold day,not to mention there was a cemetery just by the church’s grounds.

 

it was a sombre afternoon, there was not a soul in the church grounds but there was a “presence” that you could feel.

im sure the wedding will be fantastic. i just hope, ill do justice to it.

a barn affair

friend lauren is an active air cadet member and organizes charity do’s for their group. she organized the air cadet race night which was held in the woodsfarm barn in ongar.

she invited a group of us, her friends to join as her guests,as the participants are from the air cadets and their families.

                         (the gang enjoying a pre-meal drink)

                                     (suppah duppah couple)

                             ( chris and her hubby tom )

                          (michael and tash–another suppa duppa couple)

                        (bartenders for the night; lauren and boyfriend stu)

                             (tom’s a happy bunny)

                               (deciding which horse to pick)

                      (tasha and michael going for a decider)

                 (win or lose? you get to know from their expressions,hehe)

                                      (we almost won!)

 

                                      (got fed..will bet..)

                                       ( adrian and his driver)

*we won 3 out of the 8 races that night, so we went home happy!

*race night: (a video monitor will show a race of maybe 10 horses and people will bet on any horse, then if the horse wins, you get to win cash prize–very minimal as its done for charity and fun). the whole night’s proceeds go to charities the air cadets are sponsoring. the atmosphere was very casual and jovial, the drinks werent pricey, and the tickets came with a meal of spit roast lamb, burger patties, sausages, salad and wraps for the vegetarians.