lost & found

i honestly, honestly feel i am in the wrong country.

i should have married an island guy or the man who’s eternally clad in a sarong and lives in beach huts and hammocks.

i’m cold, wet, and shivering.

not because its acquired hypothermia but because i feel displaced in a place that has all the aesthetics in it, but never warmed me to stay.

but what they say, you never know who you’d fall in love with.  i fell hook,line, and sinker to a man who thrives in a cold climate and thick anoraks.

but no matter how cold, displaced and shrivelled i get from the chill, i cannot leave this man who captured and melted my heart.

what can i say, im putty in his hands.

babs, you got a lot to answer to.

wind

 england suffered with horrible winds up to 80 mph today (since sunday).

such a valid excuse to stay at home, read books, have naps, long bubble bath and gorge on my favourite snacks.

today, my heart is full.

* * *

i was missing one thing though: “turon”.  i would have given all my allowance to have one of those today.  it would have been lovely on a nice cold windy day. with a  cup of tea, of course.

* * *

oh well, my belgian buns were good enough for the meantime.

reminiscin’ thru phonelines

(kharla, under strict instructions to pose like a lad’s mag babe..see, i have been a frustrated glamour photographer for some time… )

kharla and i burned the phonelines once again today. early morning before i left for work and another call when i got back from work.

this morning’s phonecall was a quick “hello” and “how are you” and “how was your weekend” phonecall as i wasnt able to ring her for a week now.

this evening when i came back from work, adrian asked me to ring kharla just to ask her some banking errands to which after two hours after, we were still chatting.   as she were on speaker most of the time, adrian would join in the conversation and we had a real laugh over her ‘present’ lovelife (or the lack of it, kharla would say),  her recent status at work and the plans we have when we see one another.

so eventually when the hubby got bored off his wits listening to our girly banter, he excused himself to the kitchen while she and i were talking about matters that presently befall us. we realized after many minutes of chatter how we missed one another’s company and that we just miss being “fun” again.

after i went off to get married, and she was left to do some “corporate jobs” and concentrated on her career, she and i became slightly different people. we were forced to become different and act in a certain way due to our present roles. me being a wife, she being a single career nut. so whenever we see one another in the philippines,the closeness and the bond was still evidently strong, but the dynamics have changed as we stopped doing the things we normally do together (except the “pigging out” bits).  although most of the reason why we stopped doing them was because we have grown up (clubbing is not fun to me anymore), we stopped doing shopping trips, massage trips and girly movie trips which we were able to do before. if we did it was always a family affair—which meant we have to act like “ate’s” and “manang’s” most often than not.

in the end, (adrian’s brilliant idea) we decided that we should have an evening out, (like a date) just me and her, once a week, just to enjoy one another’s company and be back to our once silly selves…

and bagging kharla a man in the process, i hope. (if she’s not too choosy, there might be some chance).

* * *

here are some of our plans:

-massage and pampering trips (although she and i frequented spa’s the last few years, it wasnt a private affair..the entire clan was with us, hahaha).

-food night-outs (what’s new?)

-dancing (yeyyyyy!!!)

-soul-searching —she suggested we’d do a retreat (thats sr. kharla talking,lol).

-shopping (if the wallet permits)

- manila and boracay- althoug this one, family’s coming with us.

-party crashing (jestine, watch out!!)

-cheetos nights (dvd in our pyjama’s)…

* * *

thank you Lord for giving me a cousin for a bestfriend.

sunday reflection

(photo: candles at notre dame cathedral,paris) 

i find it difficult to reconcile how people that deem themselves “religious” are the most judgemental people and less forgiving (not everyone ,though). i have learned the lesson of not waging my religion to the world whenever i am in a group lest i am faced with another religious fanatic who will argue with me to death and talk down on me for not memorizing verses in the bible. but i always answer anyone who asks me what my religion is and how i practice my religion. (for the record when one says: “non practicing catholic”—i mean that i practice minimally and differently to the most rigid catholics i know…i go to church, i pray daily, i believe in my patron saints, i observe lent—but i dont do confessions as i used to and is prone to gluttony,lol)… 

in my encounters with different people, i have been put off by persons who are so unforgiving of people who are seen as flagging or wavering in their religion. but what is religion without faith? and what is faith when one is prone to illness of the mind and the ideation of material greed? can one be credible to adopt a “holier than thou” attitude infront of others?i say “not!”.

i have been keeping my spirituality to myself for some time and i have been agonizingly been quiet about things (though not when asked sincerely and reasonably) because for me, religion is personal.

 living in england for the past five years, i came across religious fanatics and i realize it can be too offputting and immediately intimidates people who dont share the same beliefs. one man in the tube was preaching to me about the islamic faith. he was  very intent and very knowledgeable about his religion and meanings of rituals. in another place and another time, i would have admired him, and applauded him. but not when i am quitely enjoying my journey. not when i did not seek for his advice. not when i did not look for the answers. 

i have a group of moslem friends and all of them are respectful of my faith and they dont preach to me nor talk down on other religion. when there is a discussion about spiritual matters, they rise to the occasion and they shed light to my questions. they dont give me a lecture i dont seek. it made me think, i should be careful about mine too. i should not be too presumptuous that people want to know what my religion is, nor what i do for it. answer when asked and not more. thus, i am in the opposite seat when i am faced with religious catholics who looks down on me for not being like them. if they only know that the only reason is: i cannot preach what i still find a struggle–to not sin against the bible’s commandments and be the living breathing personification of all things good and humane. i cannot stand people who talk religion the whole time and still has the negativity to other of God’s creations. “one hole talks sense, while the rest talks nonsense.”

 today, I received another email from father J, a priest I have befriended, and he shared with me some bible scriptures and some stories pertaining to the scriptures he shared and reflected from.  i find it really amazing that we have struck friendship and that i could share with him and ask him questions that bothers me and sometimes ‘irritate’ me. today he gave me some answers: “we cannot give what we dont have. a number of people take on themselves the role of preachers when they have not lived the life they talk about”. 

 amen to that!