a sunday to recoup

(studies show birdwatching relieves stress)

i totally am immersed in zen today. waking up late to soothing classic fm blaring in the background while sunlight came dashing in with freshly made coffee, the birthday boy gave me breakfast in bed. (unfortunately, i hate crumbs in bed, we retreated back to the dining table).

i have been sleeping like a log the last few nights bar thurday night where i could hardly breathe. i thought i was having asthma attack but thank goodness the doctor just told me its a sign of a chest infection about to seige my system.

she asked me to slow down as stress is mainly the cause of these symptoms. i never though i was “that” stressed but thinking about it, the essays and homeworks i needed to do are stressors enough for me to battle with.

im slacking with alot of things lately, one of them is my health, my photography assignments, my social circle, my domesticaed self (as if!), and some due phone-calls back home, but these because i am swamped with essays left right and centre. i tell you,im so sick of harvard referencing so far and if anyone mentions it again near me, im going to pounce on them.

i am researching, reading the books, and re-reading notes, and thats whats keeping me tied down. i feel i have neglected so much of the things i want to do, i have forgotten leisure for the sake of occupation (take note: OT terms in use!).

so if you’re one of the following people i have neglected. i apologize. its not meant on purpose. i just wish i have enough time in my hands to be everything that society expects me to be.

for the meantime, ill take in and bask in my sunday lull.

assignments half done, dishes trapped in the sink (husband poised to do it), laundry gurgling in the machine and fridge bursting with food uncooked due to being indisposed in the kitchen, resorting to take-aways the last few nights.

even i need days off too.

a year older

blimey! 

and not a wrinkle more.

happy birthday sweetheart.

you brought sunshine to my life in so many impossible ways.

varekai

to be very minimalist and cutting it short, i would say i was astounded. parts of me were wriggling and nauseous from where i was seated (very near the stage!) because of the heights the acrobats jumped off from. there were moments i had to close my eyes and pray to the Almighty that no freak accidents to happen (muscled men on a gigantic swing to fly high up in the ceiling and land again on the same swinging machine!!!).

tickets and programme on the day

i was amazed—-to say the least. beautiful beings in magical music, flambouyant costumes and a smorgasbord of colourful make-up leapt, swayed,  acted, danced,swirled, tumbled, swung, cartwheeled infront of me, and in perfect timing and grace.

the royal albert hall 

the stage before the show, can you see the people above? 

i was with the hubby, my friends michael, tash and eve and we were all glued to the show like bubblegum on hair.  one thing ive learned,i shouldnt get a ticket very near the stage next time coz you seem to lose the entirety of the show (although you do get the see the details of their costume and make-up much closely). best to get a middle section (darn! and they are much cheaper too!) when booking for tickets.  thank goodness the Royal Albert Hall has a circular stage, we could see much much more than when the stage is block square.

the ending extravaganza

saying thank you to a standing ovation

circue du soleil’s varekai a once in a lifetime show and i would say it has given me the bug to sign up for their newsletter when they are touring england again.

according to romany language varekai means wherever.

the show brought me to heights i have never been, and never have imagined.

it brought me to varekai.

secrets

 

there are those that lie hidden

beneath painful smiles and

masquerades

some that may shake the worldy utters

some may just create the

smoke of guilt.

 

 

sometimes we speak what time denies

silenced moans of wracked brains

and battered souls

give me, give me joy

one that binds me to this

sworn oath of nothing

and

nothingness.

 

 

i am brave for no man

i know harbored

illusions of less grandiosity

mediocrity far flung to the wind

and just in disbelief

we seek for freedom

from hiding

from running

from secrets.

 

rage 10-01-’08

the great salmon challenge

i want to congratulate myself for achieving two great things:

1) adrian now eats fish (regularly!)

2) he now likes eating it and asks for it too!

–oh alright, i have to say three things: 3rd: i made my own special salmon recipe into different variations so that he has a good amount of oily fish per week. (he really really likes this recipe! whopeeee!! )

presenting: “salmon ala chelsy“

(photo: the marinated salmon fillet..unfortunately, adrian couldnt wait for me to take a photo of the cooked version..better luck next week)

Ingredients: 

2 pieces salmon fillet 

lime juice (a tsp)

worceistershire sauce ( base of pan for marinate just to wet the salmon)

crushed coriander (optional)

2 cloves crushed garlic

small pinch of crushed ginger

salt,pepper (to taste)

olive oil  (2 tbsp)

garlic butter (a teaspoon size)

-in a marinade bowl, place the salmon, pour lime juice over it and season it with salt and pepper.

-sprinkle the garlic and ginger and coriander

-juice the bottom of the dish with the worceistershire sauce, and marinate fr at least 15 minutes

-heat olive oil in a frying pan

-once hot, put in medium-low heat, and place garlic butter on it til it melts

-once the butter is semi melted, fry each sides of the fillet salmon, not longer than 3 minutes each side and turn over. do again until reaching desired colour (preferably seared sides and slightly moist middle part).

-serve with a jacket potato or brown rice.

some kind of deja vu

the other day, i went to my patient’s house to do some work with an amputee patient. this man sat on his lounge chair, his son-in-law to his left beside him and his wife standing beside me.

for a moment, i thought i have been there before. was it a dream? but why the exact people are in the same scene, and the same moment, doing exactly as how i remembered it?

it was textbook deja vu. and that wasnt the first time i experienced it, and im sure it wouldnt be the last either.

today, i had the same epiphany. i was in the middle of costco’s mountain of ”on sale” books when i thought i heard something that ignited the same memories of somewhere. i looked for where the sound came from. it was from the cd stereo area. and i looked at the track that was playing it was the exotic mediterreanean sounds cd.

 it all came back.  memories of blue waters, hot blazing sun, pebbly coast, and warm friendly people and smell of kebab’s wafting in the air.

it was deja vu of a different kind. the feeling, imbibed by the sound that i heard–but my vision went past the racks of cd’s and dvd’s but a very much vivid one of that wonderful dance  by the greek dancers for us.

and even though told myself i dont want to go to the same place twice (id rather go to cebu and be with my family) —- there will always be exceptions. greece would be for me.

for the meantime, id settle for another deja vu.

wind beneath my wings

i always loved that song from bette middler. not only because of its melody, the beautiful lyrics and the movie that came with it (beaches), i always have loved the meaning of the song.

now that im in my 30’s the song has more poignant and deeper meaning for me. years on, i realized there were many people who provided me with  the air and juice to climb and reach for the stars, but there is one person who will always be the wind that fires me to make the most out of myself. the one who constantly provides the platform for me to shine, and that’s adrian–my husband, my partner for life.

while i was reviewing some photos over the years, there he is, constantly by my side, ready to give support to any of my whims. when i really think about it, he is always there to make sure i get what is due me, and always on the lookout for my benefit. if there is a stage husband, adrian could be it.

when he hears me sing, he thinks i could be the next pop idol and kept on threatening to submit applications to the next x-factor auditions. when he reads what i write (my nonsensical rants), he thinks i deserve the next literature prize. when he eats what i cook, he thinks i could be the next nigella lawson.  when i said i loved taking pictures, he thinks im the next richard avedon and cajoled me into buying my semi-pro dslr camera (him paying the accessories and part of the cam) and of course he thinks i can do no harm even at my worst.

and when at times, i dont feel presentable, he always says the right things without being patronizing and condescending and make me feel 100% better after a talk with him.

he always believed in me, and i hope i can give him justice that someday, even a part of his dreams for me, would come true.

photo of him, assisting me in one of my obsessions.

*if i was still a radio dj right now. i would have dedicated the song to him:

         wind beneath my wings by bette midler

It must have been cold there in my shadow,
to never have sunlight on your face.
You were content to let me shine, that’s your way,
you always walked a step behind.So I was the one with all the glory,
while you were the one with all the strength.
A beautiful face without a name — for so long,
a beautiful smile to hide the pain.

Chorus
Did you ever know that you’re my hero,
and ev’rything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
’cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

It might have appeared to go unnoticed,
but I’ve got it all here in my heart.
I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it,
I would be nothing with out you.

Chorus
Did you ever know that you’re my hero,
and ev’rything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
’cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

Fly, fly, fly away,
you let me fly so high.
Oh, fly, fly,
so high against the sky, so high I almost touch the sky.
Thank you, thank you, thank God for you,
the wind beneath my wings.

lists of things and people im happy about

i want to start the year 2008 with a positive big bang and post what made me happy recently.

here are the top ones that i could remember in a hurry:

-my friend aileen s. came out of hospital yesterday and she didnt have to spend new year there after all. what great news, considering she suffered with pneumonia (i wonder how long she’s had it, coz she’s been unwell for some time). im glad she’s recovered now and hopefully makes up for the days with friends she’s missed. i wish i was there to hug her. she’s one of my angels. i hope she’ll write again soon and post pictures because i truly miss her blogs (and photos).

-my friend mai just had her break in boracay. dont i just envy her? so much so. i still have yet to conquer those sandy shores and lap in its waves. july please hurry. she’s also came back not only with a great tan but with great pictures to prove what a wonderful time she’s had. (all the more envious me,* sob*). her smiles are evident that she’s in love right now. so happy for her.

-my friend T is going home, and not just going home to rest and relax but be busy and start moolah-making. she doesnt need to as her husband is a moneymaking-whizzkid but she’s one of these people whose talent cant be wasted. she’s so good with organizing and planning parties and she’s also a genius in the kitchen. i cant wait to be one of those to avail custom from Kusina Habana. and hopefully our plans push through for february lest she gets too much business from tycoons who are willing to pay double than i could afford, then she’d snub me.*i hope not*

-patricia, my gorgeous friend, is still having the time of her life with her family right now and i wish im swapping seats with her and be with my family too. i cant wait for her promised photos because then, i can gorge on pics of my beloved philippines and get all homesickey again. and get some insider info on the latest spots to dine in cebu and manila.

-my conversation with longtime friend and adopted sister loien just before she celebrated new year. she’s having the time of her life in the US and she’s also has done some soulsearching which made her reevaluate her past and her recent decisons with certain people. this girl never fails to amaze me, with her uncanny way fo tackling life, and her ability to just let be and put her heart on her sleeve unabashedly. i love her for that. i cant wait to see her this year (yipeee!).

-my recent conversation with kharla. her recent trip to palawan with esmee and esmee’s boyfriend. her recent retreat at st.john’s and her calm and funny nature which i will always be in need to have as my calming influence. i cant wait to have many more adventures with her (and food adventures too!).

-my mama. she has just been the most patient and most understanding mother of a willfull, self-indulgent and hardheaded individual that is me. she has earned my lvoe not because she is my mother at birth but because she has shown me over the years and made me understand what she’s made of, and i truly respect and love her for that. so much.

-my sister ana. she and i talked hours upon hours to the disgust of my phone bill.  there are just so much to talk about. and i learn so many new things from her. and she always cracks me up. she’s the  most positive and most outgoing person i have talked to in recent months and she just makes me feel loved and cherished not just as a sister but as a friend. i cant wait to hang out with her again. kai, 2008 is here!!!

in writing this i miss my other friends too:

karen- for her funny and ourtageous anecdotes that always always be the best topic of table conversation. best listened to when she’s the one narrating them. with her ultra sultry dj voice and equally luscious look, i can only wish she’s here to cheer me up.

leah-ahhh, the ever feisty and ever creative leah. when you mix creativity with feistiness, what do you get? only passion and great adventures, in one person, that’s leah.

my two brothers: roi and jojo…i always well up and get teary-eyed when i miss these two. they are the best examples of opposites attract. their closeness and bond makes me love them all the more and makes me proud they are my brothers. very good ones at that.

fil, mimi, lynette, ayen, jane, chin,and the rest of the fairies just make me wish 2008 comes breezing through in a wink.

cheers to all these people. and there are alot more of my friends i havent mentioned but i will when space and time permit me to.

merry little christmas

a lot of people have finally agreed in conclusion that i definitely had a major emotional crises just before christmas.

too many things added to that eventuality although one greatest factor was the inability to cope with my father’s death, the holiday period and impending christmas cheers that i needed to perform which at the time i was lacking, and the surge of christmas revelers at home (all from hubby’s side) which meant i couldnt be my usual depressed state.

it didnt help that the house was in total mess and chaos amidst all these due to the kitchen works being done in the house. aghhh! i go crazy when things becomes disorderly to the husband being the brunt of all these emotions (bless him!). 

then one sunday morning specifically the 23rd of december, my mood lifted up.

i was suddenly able to listen to christmas songs (which grated on me the past few weeks) and i was suddenly looking forward to christmas.

was it the impending christmas giftgiving my friends and i organized (with great help from my family:my mom, my sister ana, my cousins karla and tony) that made me feel that way? was it the arrival of my stepsons that very evening? was it the prayer that i recite every night to take away this cloud of pain and grief? or was it when we decided to put up the christmas tree?

i dont reallyknow.

what i know is: i have at least three people i know praying for me to get better and be well.

i really thank them with all my heart.

you know who you are.